Thursday, October 18, 2012

This isn't the life I signed up for......

I had a fairly big realization today.

I never knew how much I wanted this life until I had it.

That's right.
I never knew or realized just how much I wanted to be a wife and mom until I was a wife and mom.
As a kid I never really day dreamed about my wedding, being married, or having babies.
I was a total tomboy as a kid.
I played baseball on an all boy team, played soccer, enjoyed being outdoors, mowing lawn, reading books, and (my most girly thing) taking dance classes.

Even once I stared dating the man I would one day marry, I had other plans.
I would go to college,  have a career, and maybe someday get married and have a family.
I had it all planned out.

However, my plans didn't pan out.
God had other plans.
I didn't end up getting accepted to the school I wanted to go to and I hadn't applied to any other schools.
I took an online course instead. Which honestly was a God send as I was able to save thousands of dollars.
However, I never ended up having the career I thought I would have.

My now husband and I got married.
In three years of being  married we have had two babies.
And now I can't picture my life any other way. (Nor would I want to.)
Thinking about working full time, not having our two sweet boys, and probably hardly ever seeing my husband is a completely foreign concept to me now. 

I have the exact life I really truly wanted.

Now I'm not saying that it's always easy.
Because quite honestly its not.
This is the toughest job I know I will ever have and will love.
There are days that are just hard.
Sometimes I feel like I just don't know what to do anymore.
Sometimes motherhood is a lonely road and we tend as moms to out everyone else's needs before our own.
I've seen my own mom do it for years and I know I do the exact same thing.
And quite honestly I have had moments where I've felt like I'm losing myself.

This isn't the life I signed up for.....
But I'm so glad this is the life I've been given.

"Delight yourself in the Lord;
And He will give you the desires of your heart."
Psalm 37:4

God gave me the desire of my heart even when I didn't know what those desires were.

But now I have to post this and go take care of my littlest desire who happens to be VERY hungry and in need of a diaper change. haha oh man I love being a mom. :)

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