If we were sitting down over a cup of coffee right now and I were being totally open and honest with you I would tell you I am tired.
Physically, emotionally, and spiritually tired.
Three weeks ago is when it all officially started, but I guess it had been going on for even longer. I finally got Bug to the doctors on July 10th. Due to a lot of extenuating circumstances, Bug hadn't been to the doctor in months. We ended up having to switch to a totally new office and thankfully a friend of mine who is a doctor was happy to take my kids on as patients. I had known for a lot time that he was really small...but hearing words like "failure to thrive", blood work, and specialists had me feeling broken, drowning, helpless, and alone. My husband was at work and I had to keep my composure.
After having had my first be 9lbs 5oz at birth and by his first birthday being around 25 lbs; I never expected to have my second be such a little peanut. Bug was 8lbs 5oz at birth but at 11 months weighed in only at 16 lbs. They want babies to double birth weight between 4-6 months and triple by their first birthday. Now what?...
It took me a couple of days of crying and praying to be able to face reality and really be ready to deal with whatever we need to do.
Then the next week hit.
Tuesday the 16th my husband started to not feel well and by the time he came home from work I could tell he was really sick. We ended up sleeping downstairs most of the night, Dowe on the rocking recliner and me on the couch. It's the room with the AC and our room was so beyond hot it almost felt hard to breathe even for me.
I ended up driving him to work on Wednesday as he wasn't up to driving himself. After taking him to work I took Bug to the hospital for his blood to be drawn...
I wanted to cry.
My sweet little boy, not even a year old, was being poked and prodded and I had to help hold him down for the whole thing. But he was a little trooper. He cried during the initial poke but once they were just collecting the blood he just looked at me with these sad little eyes that said "Mommy, this hurts and I don't like it but I know you're holding me and that I'm safe. I know you would never let anything hurt me for no reason."
After that was done we went to the library for a few then off to get the rest of our camping supplies. And begin the process of packing for 4 people by myself to go camping for 3 days.
My husband's breathing got worse on Thursday and I told him if he wasn't substantially better by Friday morning we would be taking a trip to urgent care for either a Nebulizer treatment or an inhaler. He has a history of asthma and there was no way I was going camping with him like that. He thankfully woke up Friday morning feeling 100% again and off camping we went.
Camping ended up being a lot of fun. Crazy but fun. I'll do a post just on camping soon.
Needless to say soon after that the 2yo I babysit began to be unusually difficult and I've been burning the wick from both ends. And to top it all off my dear sweet friend who was adopting a little girl got to 71 out of 72 hours and the birth mom changed her mind. My sweet friend and her husband went home empty handed and brokenhearted to a home with a nursery awaiting this baby girl.
But on the days when I'm feeling the most pulled in every direction, emptied out, and I begin to get frustrated if I can just hide away for a few minutes to spend alone with Jesus I am able to feel the most at peace and the most grace.
Even in the midst of the craziness of it all, if I am just able to sit down with a cup of coffee and my Bible, quiet myself before Him and remember that he "daily bears our burdens" (psalm 68.19) I am able to feel centered once again and can make it through the day much better than when I try to do it on my own.
I'm not saying it's easy but at least I feel I am then able to finish well.
What do you do when you are feeling tired and overwhelmed in every area of your life?