When the wait is over.....

Sometimes when the wait is over you're left feeling down and empty, other times its relief, pure joy, excitement, or even anxious as you begin to wait for the next thing.
I gave birth to my second son Friday August 3rd. And although yes, my belly is empty, my heart and arms are full and happy.

But sometimes plans don't go the way you had hoped and our birth story could have had a very different ending....one that makes me start to cry if I linger on how horribly wrong it could have gone.

I have been forming this blog post in my mind for what feels like forever already and until now, months later, I honestly couldn't find the strength to finish writing it. But now that life has settled down some, (well as much as it can with two little boys) and we have gotten in some much needed family time, I think it's time to write.

(Disclaimer! This is a birth story....And though I will try to keep it from being beyond too much information, there are certain things that happened that need to be shared in order for the full magnitude of how grateful I am our birth story turned out the way it did. Soooo if you would rather skip down and just read the happy ending part I promise to give you the all clear towards the bottom with of course pictures of our happy family.)

My due date was July 28th....That day came and went and I was still very pregnant. I was beginning to struggle with the fact that it was beginning to look like my baby boy wasn't going to be born in July after all. Disappointment began to set in as well. You see my first son was 11 days overdue and was born weighing in at 9lbs 5oz. We had some pretty major complications so the initial plan was not to let me go past my due date this time around. We had talked about inducing on July 20th, and then July 27th, and then..... it was left open ended.

Baby #2 was measuring average size and so as long as I wasn't in too much pain (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction or SPD for short) we weren't going to induce early as there really was no need. My midwife told me on July 23rd at my doctor’s appointment that if I came in the following week we would have to have a different conversation about an induction.

I had a doctor’s appointment on July 31st. My midwife asked my husband and me about inducing on August 3rd. We agreed that as long as we were going to just fully go for it, (this would mean breaking my water and having a baby within 24 hours as Pitocin doesn't work to induce me) then yes we were ready to just do it. At this point though she couldn't guarantee we could do that either way though as I hadn't had much progression.

So we went on over to the hospital to preregister for an induction on August 3rd. My husband then proceeds to tell me we need to make him a doctor’s appointment again for a reoccurring issue he has approximately every 6 months for his foot. August 1st my husband would have to have outpatient surgery on his foot. Which we knew would mean he would be unable to walk the halls with me on Friday.

Thankfully we had already asked and planned on my mom being with us while I was in labor. The anxiety and chaos of my husband having to have surgery, it taking longer than expected, and us just making it home in time for him to quick eat lunch and just get to work on time, all while trying to keep our two year old, Monkey, happy and quiet, ends up giving me contractions!

I began to time my contractions around 3pm. Consistent....regular. My best friend wants to come over and do a maternity shoot with me knowing that I'm being induced on Friday. The three of us go for a walk, timing picture between contractions, enjoying being outside, and taking Monkey to the park. I was super relived to be out doing something fun with her instead of home wondering if this was going to turn into anything more than just some contractions.

We grab dinner on our way back to my house and I'm realizing my contractions have gotten stronger. I take a shower while she's still here to see if they get any stronger and closer together hoping to see if this is real labor or not. They do. I end up calling my parents and they come up that night just in case.

Thursday morning I head to the doctor’s office again to see if there is any progression and to see if my husband should stay home from work that day or not. Progression? Yes! Enough for him to stay home? no.

Thursday night my mom and I go for a walk and we end up going to the hospital on this walk. I thought I was leaking fluids but turns out I was wrong and nothing more is really happening. So we go back home all hoping to get some good sleep before going to the hospital at 6:30am for my induction.

Friday Morning comes quickly. We get up and ready to head off to the hospital. I quietly sneak into Monkey's room to kiss him and tell him I love him as I won't really get to see much of him for the next few days. 

We arrive at the hospital at 6:30am and quickly go through registration as we had pre-registered. I get wheeled up to the Maternity ward. They get me all prepped complete with IV line in case it is needed later and monitor the baby's heartbeat as well as my contractions.

My midwife comes in and breaks my water at 7:50am. Nothing much exciting happens for a good long time... My mom and I walk the halls and every so often I have to go back to my room to be monitored.

My mom and I are walking the halls when another woman walks in to the labor and delivery portion of the maternity ward with two other people and states that she's there for an induction. Now mind you this wouldn't have been strange or even really caught my attention except for the fact that she arrived sometime between 10am and 11am and did not go through registration at all! She simply just walked up to L&D stating that she was there for an induction. I turned to my mom, "Wow! She's here really late for an induction...with all of my inductions we had to be here at 6:30am!"

By lunch time I wasn't up to eating anything other than some saltines and apple juice. We kept hoping each time my midwife came to check on me that I would have had a lot of progression but almost every time it was either very little or none at all. Disappointment and frustration began to set in as my midwife came to check on me again after her hours were done at the office and I still had very little progression. I had been in hard active labor for hours and was having horrible back labor identical to my first son.

Dinner came and went. Minutes felt like hours. My midwife came back to the hospital around 8 or 9 pm. At around 9:30 I had this moment of sheer panic as I knew in my heart that this wasn't going to end well. Something was wrong and I knew it. I honestly thought about asking my midwife to just take me in and do a c-section. Something that I had never wanted to have was the one thing I felt I was really going to need. 

Dread.

I began to dread what I feared was coming.
I had no energy to vocalize what I was thinking and feeling though.
No energy to cry.
I prayed.
I just began to pray.
That God would take care of this child I have been holding onto so dearly.
This sweet little one I was unsure if I was going to get the opportunity to meet.
To Hold.....

About a half hour before my son was born I heard the sound of a baby crying from the room next to mine. It was the woman who came in late for her induction. At some point in time before I started pushing my midwife told one of the nurses to see if Dr. A was still there and to see if she would wait just in case. My first son’s shoulder had gotten stuck and my midwife wanted backup there in the event it happened again.

I finally found the strength to tell my midwife I couldn't do this any longer. He had to come out and it had to be now! It was sometime after 11pm at this point. The next few minutes are very fuzzy and come in bits and pieces.

I heard her tell the nurses they could begin prepping for delivery. My midwife tells me I can begin pushing when I'm ready.

Then complete silence.

I couldn't hear anything or anyone. Then off in the distance I hear my midwife's muffled voice but can't make out what she is saying. My mom's voice.

My husband's voice.

They get through to me and I hear my husband's strong unwavering voice telling me to breathe. I see an oxygen mask on the side of my bed next to me and realize I'm holding my breath. My mom and husband are the only voices that seem to be able to clearly get through to me. I hear them telling me to breathe...that I have to take in slow deep breaths for the baby. My husband tells me softly that we're going to get to meet our son soon but I have to keep breathing. They continue to tell me to breathe in and out.

I'm pushing at this point and my midwife tells a nurse to never mind on the oxygen... And I hear this conversation take place:
Midwife: "I need Gloves!"
Nurse: "What size?"
Midwife: "6!"
Nurse: "I have a 7"
Midwife: "Never mind! I don't have time! He's coming!"

By that sentence his head was more than half way out.
With just a couple of more pushes he was out.
At 11:30pm our sweet boy arrived.

But then the moments I had been dreading began to happen.

I heard my midwife giving his Apgar scores and though I didn't know what it was for I heard "Zero". A number you never want to hear about your newborn.
His umbilical cord had been wrapped around his neck and he wasn't breathing. He was an ash blue color. She then got our sweet Bug to start breathing and crying.

That first cry of a newborn baby is the sweetest sound to a mommy's ears.
It's the moment you know that everything is going to be ok.
I then was able to see, kiss, and welcome him to the world.
The nurses took him over to the warmers and began cleaning him.
My husband went to be with Bug and was able to snap his first pictures.

And then came the next scary moment.

It was time for me to deliver the placenta but instead something went wrong….
I pushed as my midwife gently tugged on the umbilical cord.
The cord came but the placenta was still attached to me.
My Midwife told one of the nurses what happened and told her to go get Dr. A immediately.

This beautiful female doctor who I have never met walks into my room.
A nurse is helping her get a gown and gloves on.
I take note of her features, dark skinned, tall, slender, and beautiful.
I hear talks of emergency surgery.
I feel an odd calm wash over me.

You see…I knew this was going to happen. I remember the dream I’d had just a few days before. This odd vivid dream in which my mom told me my Midwife had told her I was going to need a D&C and that I needed to be prepared for it.
I was glad at this point that I had told my mom about the weird dream days before or I knew no one would believe me.

Dr. A suggests they try something else first to see if they can remove the placenta without having to go in surgically. They give me a shot of pain medication as I had not had any pain medication during the whole labor and delivery. I remember seeing my husband come over to ask my mom what was going on. She told him briefly what happened. My husband thanked my mom for being there with us during everything and he went back to be with our son.

Pain.
Awful.
Horrible.
Excruciating.
Pain.

I’d had to make sure that Dr. A knew about my SPD. I needed to protect my pelvis so hopefully I wouldn’t have long term pain and permanent damage. My mom stayed by my side holding my hand. My sweet husband was with our son.  Even with pain medication it was miserable. I was so glad my husband was over soaking in the newness of our sweet boy instead of seeing me in the worst pain I had ever been in.

Finally it was over.
We were both ok.

I would need to be monitored closely for a while but we were all going to be ok. I called my best friend. I first apologized for calling so late and then told her I probably wouldn’t remember much of the conversation because of the medication they had given me. But I wanted to tell her that she was an “aunt” again.

I was asked if I wanted to hold Bug for the first time.
I wanted to. Oh how I wanted to!
But something didn’t feel right.
It was the medication.

To quote my midwife I was “higher than a kite.” I told them that I wanted to hold him but I felt like I was going to need help as I couldn’t seem to control my arms quite right. It felt like forever before we were transferred to our room as I had to be monitored. We were all exhausted and yet I couldn’t sleep. My mom, once she knew we were settled in, left to go back to our house to get some sleep.

I just laid there awake, holding my newborn son, amazed and so thankful that everything turned out ok and that we were both going to be fine. We were both here….. We were both safe and sound…. God had set up so many little miracles for us that day. I just laid there holding sweet little boy until we fell asleep.

Dr. A came back to check on me the next day.
I was able to hug her and thank her for everything she did.
She simply replied that she was glad she was there and able to help.

After a couple of days in the hospital and close monitoring for risk of infection, we were able to go home. I was so grateful to be home with my husband and two boys.
We all went and took a nap as we were all so exhausted.

(Ok All Clear!)

I’ve been very blessed.
I have to sweet healthy boys,
a hard working husband who loves me through everything,
And this busy crazy wonderful life that I get to call mine.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way!