Tuesday, August 20, 2013

On my heart tonight.

This originally started as a "Whats on your heart?" question on my fan page and as I started writing I realized I should just turn it into a blog post. So here it is.

I don't usually share what's on my heart as I really just love hearing from my fans but tonight my heart is heavy for the families in this news article.

My heart goes out both to the Begley family and to the woman who wrote the letter. I can't imagine being so heartless as to tell someone they need to kill their child. Seriously...my love for my kids is something fierce, does she not feel that way about her own children that she could actually suggest that to another mother? Has she not thought for a minute what if I was in her shoes? Would she really be able to put her own child to death?
I really have no words. I only have a heavy heart for her. I'm sad for her and the life she must be missing out on. I'm saddened for her children and the lack of compassion their mom must have. I am not trying to be mean, I honestly hurt for her and her kids more than I do for the Begley family.

I guess this hits really close to home for me right now as in our church there are two autistic boys, on opposite ends of the spectrum, who are brothers in our church. This past Sunday the oldest boy was having a really rough day and I heard him yelling and how unhappy he was but ya know what? Those boys are something special and so are their parents.

I have had the privilege of watching these boys grow and change so much over the past 3 years. I have seen the oldest come out of his shell more and the youngest create amazing pieces of artwork. I have heard them both say some of the craziest, funniest things ever and have no fear of what other people will think of them. They're honest and they will keep you honest. They take you at your word, end of story.

I have watched their mother and father worry about their boys and struggle with the unknowns of who will take care of their sons if something were to happen to them.
I have seen their dad cry telling stories of how closed off and in their on world they were and then how one day they got just a little piece of interaction they so crave with their boys.
I have seen their mom warn and stretched thin still speak grace and life into all four of their children.

I'm not saying all of this to put them up on a pedestal as I know they have difficult days and so many more challenges than I could imagine and we all have our breaking points. I know they have days and moments in which they aren't proud of. There are times that their mom has confided in me and been open and honest with some of their struggles. So its not that I think they are perfect or their parenting is untouchable but I know how much they love their children and celebrate each and every one of them.

 And God has a plan for their lives just as much if not more than He has planned for my life! I have watched numerous special needs kids be able to reach out to people in a way that you and I never could and pull them up out of everyday life and see the beauty in the moment.
Honestly, I can still remember the face of the little boy with down syndrome, who in just a quick moment in passing pulled me up out of my own petty problems, and made me see the world around me in a new light. I even remember what he was wearing as he touched my heart in a way no one else could that day.

So tonight I am praying for all of the mommies and daddies of special needs children. Praying for a little extra grace. For someone to speak a little extra life into their hearts.

And I'm praying for the woman who wrote the letter and for all of us who even for a second judge another parent for a screaming, difficult, wild child. Praying that we as parents all take a moment to remember that this thing called parenting isn't for the faint of heart. That this is the most difficult job we will ever love. That we have no idea what else might be going on in their lives right then and that we all have bad days.

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