Saturday, April 20, 2013

A coffee date

If you were to come over to my house you would find coffee ready and waiting.
There few more dishes in the sink than I would like, a mound of laundry waiting to be folded,
and my son’s toys scattered across the living room floor.

I would tell you how much I love to do crafts and drink coffee;
and that I wish I had more time and money for both.
I would share stories of when I ventured off on a missions trip to Africa
or how I met my husband when I was 13.
You would see my oldest son running around in the backyard with no shoes on
pretending to fight dinosaurs with a stick.

We would probably have to pause our conversation more than a few times for me to help Monkey to go the bathroom, change Bug’s diaper, grab snacks and drinks, discipline, answer about a million ‘why?’ questions, or whatever other parenting moment may arise.

I would tell you how much I love this crazy life I am living
and that I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I would be telling you the truth in all of that but there is so much more under the surface.
Deep inside, within secrete places of my heart, there are numerous hopes, dreams, fears, and desires.

If we were sitting at my picnic table today enjoying a good cup of coffee together
I would begin to tell you that these things are weighing heavily on my heart right now.
I honestly am struggling, fighting between holding onto these things tightly and giving them up to God.

I worry about my sons.
Raising two Godly boys in a sex crazed world terrifies me.
Keeping their innocence in a world that threatens to steal it from them every chance it gets.
Protecting them from danger.
Protecting them from all of the violence in our world as of recently.
I would own up to the fact that I’m sure I let my oldest watch way too much TV.
I would tell you that I try to turn on the local Christian radio station for their Noon report to catch the news while I’m making our lunch
but quickly turn it off or bring the volume down low when my son comes into the room.

I worry about my husband.
I would tell you how desperately my sweet husband and I want to have
our own custom printing business.
I would tell you that we are not completely sure what the next step is.
I would tell you how proud of him I am for working so hard and doing his
best to keep me home with our boys.
I would confess that some of my favorite times together are
when we’re driving home late at night from friend’s or family’s,
the boys asleep in the backseat, and my husband and I just talk.
We share our hopes, dreams, and ideas with each other and it makes
me feel emotionally connected to him in a special way.

I would tell you how God is working on my heart in ways that I am not always a fan of.
I have gone through so many changes over the last four years.
Things that didn’t matter or bother me four years ago now matter and bother me and I get embarrassed thinking of how bad things were back then.

I would tell you that I have dreams of opening up an etsy shop by the end of this year.
I would tell you that I am praying that God opens up some big doors for my husband and me.

I would share with you my struggles as a wife and mother.
I would tell you that even though these past few years have been some of the loneliest, isolated years in my life they have also been the most rewarding.

I would tell you how I am terrible at making sure I take care of myself.
I am quick to take care of everyone else’s needs but not always my own.
I desperately want to start running but am terrified of trying for fear of hurting my pelvis and doing more damage.
I find it ironic how before I got married and had kids I hated my body. I could always find something about it I didn’t like and now I would be very happy to have that body back.

I’m sure there are a lot more thing that would come up in conversation.
Like how blessed we have been with Dowe’s job and the amazing ways in which
God worked that all out. How my cousin is going to Africa this summer with the same organization I went with 7 years ago.
How I love listening to my husband sing to our boys and talk to them
when he gets home at night.
I would tell you how I am so thankful for the authentic friendships
I have been blessed with over the last few years with other women.

But these are just a few of the many thing that are currently on my heart
that I would share with you if you came over for a coffee date.

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