Lost

The air feels heavy.
Thick.
Suffocating.

Tears have threatened my eyes all day but I've tried hard to keep them at bay.
The boys are sound asleep and I can't keep them back any longer.
It's only Monday and it feels as though this week will consume me.

My heart is broken in two.
Still missing pieces that I will never get back.
I miss Zoe more than I could ever put into words.
My love for her will never end and is more than I could ever explain.

I want to go to bed and sleep through this week.
I want so much to just hide away and allow this grief to wash over me.

I have always tried even through my grief to remain hopeful, positive, and encouraging.
But today I just want to be ok with being broken.

Grief is a broken road.
Grief is dark and ugly.
Grief is painful and life changing.

And I fear that she will be forgotten.
I feel as though I'm waiting to see if anyone but my husband and I
will remember that Zoe's day would have been this Thursday.
While I know she isn't forgotten as a dear sweet friend reminded me on Saturday that she hasn't forgotten Zoe's due date is coming up this week; it still just feels like because my husband and I are the only ones who knew of her existence before she died that we're the only ones who remember when her life should have started outside of my body.

Today I simply feel lost in my grief.