Restless

Lately Bug has been restless.

He turns and wiggles in his bed a lot.

Lightly whimpers and grips at his sheets.

Sometimes he'll only sleep for 10 minutes at a time.

The only time he seems to really settle down and rests is when he's in my arms,

held close to my chest.

This cycle is one that I find exhausting. 

It's hard not to get frustrated.

But then as I got thinking about it, we do the same thing as adults.

Okay so maybe it is slightly different but it really isn't that far off.

We’re so busy so much of the time.

There is always so much to do.

We have places to go, people to see, stuff to get done.

We might sleep at night but even then our minds are going.

We multitask constantly and hardly ever give our full attention to any one thing.

We worry and stress about the economy, our children, our jobs.

Maybe you have a loved one currently battling for their life.

Maybe your son or daughter is distant and getting into trouble.

You feel like your marriage is falling apart and all you do is argue with your spouse.

You just lost your primary income and don’t know how you’re going to pay your mortgage payment or keep from having your heat turned off.

You just keep moving.

We think that maybe if I just keep going, if I push a little harder, work a little longer, yell a little louder, that maybe just maybe something will change.

But nothing changes.

We begin to feel like we have hit rock bottom.

We feel lost and alone.

Sometimes we get so restless that we start to turn to other things for peace.

Drugs. Alcohol. The arms of someone other than the one we married.

We think that something has to work.

Something will help numb or at least dull the pain we’re currently experiencing.

But no matter how hard we try nothing works.

But did you know, that just like when I hold my son close to me and he feels the warmth of my arms around him, there is someone who wants to hold you like that too?!

You can run into the arms of your Heavenly father.

He wants nothing more than for you to curl up like a little child into His arms,

Dump all of your cares and worries, and to find rest.

God loves us so much more than we could ever begin to understand.

Yes, bad things happen. Sometimes things don’t go the way we want.

But no matter where we are and no matter what is going on in our lives God is still there.

Can you imagine loving someone so much that you would give up your only child to die in their place? I know I can’t. But THAT is how much God loves you. No matter what you've done, no matter where you are, He loves you right there.

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

Matthew 11:28-30 -the Message

Take a few minutes today and close your eyes, listen to this song and soak up God's love.
Ask Him to give you rest. Real rest. He will you know. You just simply have to ask.

Lonely

Today I'd like to talk about something we all feel at times but no one talks about.

Image Credit

(Que song)

..."One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do

Two can be as bad as one

It's the loneliest number since the number one..."

-Three Dog Night-

I was at a girls day out with some lovely ladies from my church this morning and during lunch we had a short devotional time.The topic: Loneliness.

We were told to remember a time when we were lonely and to remember how that felt.

I began thinking back to when I first got married and moved to a new town.

We started attending a new church.

I started working at a new place.

And I didn't know anyone.

I was lonely.

We were then told to close our eyes and state words or a single sentence of what comes to mind when we think of Lonely. 

"Cold, distant, forgotten, sad, depressed, empty, alone."

These were just some of the things said to describe lonely.

There were so many times I was in a crowded room and I felt completely isolated.

I could be laughing and joking around, yet inside I felt like I was dying.

The thing of it is...It's EASY to stay lonely.

We don't always realize it but we can tend to stay in our shell.

Truth of it is, it's really difficult to admit that we're lonely to others.

If we were really honest with ourselves we might even admit that it's scary.

We're afraid that we're the only ones that are feeling that way.

That others will judge us and look at us differently.

But the thing of it is..we're only as alone as we allow ourselves to be.

We are not alone. There are so many people feeling lonely too.

Even King David wrote about his loneliness:

"Turn to me and be gracious to me,
For I am lonely and afflicted."

-Psalm 25:16

"I lie awake, 

I have become like a 

lonely bird on a housetop."

-Psalm 102:7

We were then reminded (after being told to take the hand of the person sitting next to us) 

that God is closer to us than the hand we're holding.

He is with you.

Have I not commanded you? 

Be strong and courageous! 

Do not tremble or be dismayed, 

for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

-Joshua 1:9

He is always with you. 

Reach out.

Take a moment to set your fears aside and reach out to someone.

Talk to God about your loneliness and ask Him to bring someone into your life.

I was very blessed and was given a wonderful friend just one I needed one most.

Turns out shortly there after she would need a friend too. (But that is a whole different story.)

I saw this today at this cute little shoppe on a sign

"The best time to make friends is before you need them"

Chances are if you're in need of a friend, someone else is too.

This isn't the life I signed up for......

I had a fairly big realization today.

I never knew how much I wanted this life until I had it.

That's right.

I never knew or realized just how much I wanted to be a wife and mom until I was a wife and mom.

As a kid I never really day dreamed about my wedding, being married, or having babies.

I was a total tomboy as a kid.

I played baseball on an all boy team, played soccer, enjoyed being outdoors, mowing lawn, reading books, and (my most girly thing) taking dance classes.

Even once I stared dating the man I would one day marry, I had other plans.

I would go to college,  have a career, and maybe someday get married and have a family.

I had it all planned out.

However, my plans didn't pan out.

God had other plans.

I didn't end up getting accepted to the school I wanted to go to and I hadn't applied to any other schools.

I took an online course instead. Which honestly was a God send as I was able to save thousands of dollars.

However, I never ended up having the career I thought I would have.

My now husband and I got married.

In three years of being  married we have had two babies.

And now I can't picture my life any other way. (Nor would I want to.)

Thinking about working full time, not having our two sweet boys, and probably hardly ever seeing my husband is a completely foreign concept to me now. 

I have the exact life I really truly wanted.

Now I'm not saying that it's always easy.

Because quite honestly its not.

This is the toughest job I know I will ever have and will love.

There are days that are just hard.

Sometimes I feel like I just don't know what to do anymore.

Sometimes motherhood is a lonely road and we tend as moms to out everyone else's needs before our own.

I've seen my own mom do it for years and I know I do the exact same thing.

And quite honestly I have had moments where I've felt like I'm losing myself.

This isn't the life I signed up for.....

But I'm so glad this is the life I've been given.

"Delight yourself in the Lord;

And He will give you the desires of your heart."

Psalm 37:4

God gave me the desire of my heart even when I didn't know what those desires were.

But now I have to post this and go take care of my littlest desire who happens to be VERY hungry and in need of a diaper change. haha oh man I love being a mom. :)

Late night, Blessed morning.

Have you stayed up till 3 am lately?
I have.
Last night in fact.

You see I have this sweet little guy who we like to call Bug.
Bug kept me up last night.
For whatever reason he just wouldn't go to sleep.

This is what I posted on Facebook at 3 am:
"Its 3am and I'm a little bit (very) tired, but I'm not sleeping cause I'm rocking a sweet little guy. It's moments like these that I am so thankful for. Not so much the sleeplessness but the reason why the lack of sleep. I know this won't last forever.... in fact...it'll be gone all too soon."

So after being up a good part of the night
(I got to bed sometime close to 4)
I had a very blessed morning.

I was exhausted when both boys decided to be up for the day.
I asked my husband if he would mind getting up with the boys and give me just 15 more minutes.
However, instead of giving me 15 minutes he gave me close to an hour!
When he came in to wake me he brought me a nice hot cup of coffee. (In one of my favorite mugs no less.)

It's in the little every day moments like those that I get reminded of how blessed I am.
A simple moment where my husband shows me a little extra love and grace.
Something simple that has left a smile on my face all day.
(Even if it is 5:30pm and I still haven't gotten the chance to get a shower and am covered in baby puke. Just keepin' it real!)


So how about you?
Did someone bless your day?
Have you taken the time to bless someone else?
Leave me a comment, I would love to hear about it!!

MIA....

Hey everyone,

  Sorry I've been MIA lately.
I've been a little busy spending time with my boys and trying to figure out how to be a mommy of two. :)
Bug and I have been enjoying some time bonding and getting to know each other.
Plus I haven't wanted Monkey to feel left out.
So I'm sorry but yes my blog has suffered for it.

I have some big things in the works though so please stay tuned!!

Upcoming blog posts include:
"When the waiting is over...." a follow up to "waiting.... "
"Meet Bug"
"Etsy with a purpose"
As well as a review on a baby bath and a few other things :)
So please stay tuned!

Waiting.....

Does it ever drive you totally crazy to be waiting?

As a kid you live in anticipation while waiting for your birthday, Christmas, and school to end for the year.
You have such a hard time waiting and not peaking at gifts before its time to open them.
You crave the freedom summer brings from school and it gets difficult to stay on task and finish strong.

In your teen years you can't wait till you're 16 and can get your permit.
Then to be able to get your license and have your first car.
Then to graduate from high school and go off to college.
You go off and search for your first job and you have to wait to see if you get a call for an interview.
After being interviewed you wait to hear if you got the job.

Then you meet that special someone.
Things start to get serious and you can't wait to get engaged.
And the waiting can be very difficult in the area of physical intimacy.
You begin planning the wedding and you just can't wait for the day you say "I do!"
And your waiting pays off.
You're happily married.

Then a new season of waiting begins.
For some its waiting for their purchase offer to go through on a house.
For some its waiting for their debts to be fully paid off before getting to dream of a house.
For others its waiting to get pregnant or awaiting the arrival of a new baby.
Waiting for that adoption to go through.
Waiting....waiting...waiting.....


Personally right now, I am in a season of waiting.
I am patiently anxiously awaiting the arrival of our second son any day now. (He's officially 3 days over due.)
I'm also waiting for the day that we are debt free.
Then waiting till we have enough saved up for a nice down payment on a house.
I'm waiting for my husband's dream job to become a reality.
I'm waiting.

But I have to admit that I'm not always the best at waiting.
Sometimes it makes me feel like my whole life is on  hold when I'm waiting.
I don't know about you but sometimes I just plain get tired.
I get sick and tired of trying to wait patiently and I'm even guilty of trying to make things happen in my timing.
But did you know we have been called to be faithful in the waiting,
and when we do we'll be rewarded with an amazing source of strength?
I know I forget this often.

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; 

they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; 

and they shall walk, and not faint." -Isaiah 40:31

So what about you?

Are you currently in a season of waiting?

I would love to hear from you and be able to pray for you in your season of waiting no matter what it is.

Really amazing song that constantly reminds me what I should be doing while I'm waiting.

Storms.

Sometimes life gives you some pretty big unexpected storms.
We felt some of those storms over the weekend.

Saturday July 7th 2012 is a day we will never forget in our house.
The day started off nice and calm.
Hot, sunny, humid and muggy but nice and calm.
But the calm didn't last.

Just before 2pm I received a notice of my phone of an incoming severe storm.
We don't have cable and so the only way we get storm warnings is either via the radio or phone notifications.
I looked to see what it said and told my husband (who had been off since the 4th) of the coming storm.

Suddenly it got very very dark outside.
And then it started.
Rain, Wind, Thunder, and lightening like you wouldn't believe.
Our lights went off and came back on...then the power went out and stayed out.
Knowing how fast and hard this storm was moving we began to look for signs of a tornado.
There weren't warnings of one but in our area they do happen sometimes.

I was in the bathroom when I heard what was the loudest crack of lightening and thunder at the same time.
I yelled to my husband that "That was too close for comfort!"
It then got quiet.
Always a scary thing when there's a bad storm moving through.
My husband quickly ran outside to grab our trash can and recycle bin before they blew down the street.
After he came back in I was looking out our front window, standing above our AC unit when I smelled it.

Smoke.

I told my husband "Hunny, I smell smoke! I don't know where it's coming from but I smell smoke."
That's when I saw it....billowing out of the house across the street from us.
My husband ran outside and as we saw other neighbors outside all realizing what was going on we asked if someone had called it in.
I had my cell phone in hand ready to call it in if no one had yet.
Someone yelled back that yes they had called it in.

Everyone began asking each other if anyone knew if the neighbor was home.
Their truck was gone but their other vehicle was in the driveway.
I had seen the truck drive away about an hour before the storm started but I didn't see who all was in it.
Unsure if possibly the woman and 2 month old baby might be home and sleeping unaware my husband began pounding on the door as hard as he could hoping if someone was inside they would hear him.

Then someone realized the dog was in the house.
A sweet pit bull named Murphy. A rescue dog.
Locked just inside the house in a dog crate.

By this point the fire department should have been here....
Where were they?...
What was taking so long?.....

My husband pulled the screen out of a back window that was thankfully unlocked, climbed inside,
unlocked the backdoor, and pulled the dog out of the house, crate and all.
Some of the other guys that were around helped him carry the crate and dog to safety next door.

Still no firefighters!....
Someone called it in again and realized what happened.
Because of the sheer volume of calls that the 911 dispatch unit was receiving the person who called it in got sent to the over flow dispatch and somehow the call never got sent over to our local department to notify our fire department.
Within 30 seconds of the person hanging up with the local dispatch unit we began to hear the sirens.

Relief.
Comfort.
They were coming.

The fire fighters were amazing and were able to contain the fire to the attic of the house.
In them checking the fire out more they were able to tell the homeowner (who someone finally was able to get in touch with) what happened exactly.
The old TV antenna was struck by lightening.
However, because it wasn't grounded to anything the lightening split looking for a place to touch ground.
It proceeded to go down the chimney and leaning against the chimney in the attic was a mattress.
The mattress caught fire and is what fueled the flames.
The poor lady was so mad and upset that there was a mattress leaned up against the chimney thinking that if that hadn't caught fire there wouldn't have been a fire at all.
Then the Fire Chief told her how really it was a good think that the mattress caught fire... that if it didn't have somewhere to go, the lightening would have traveled the length of the chimney and they might not have been able to save the house.


That storm happened so fast.... but then a very different kind of storm ended up rocking our world again later that night....


Our electricity came back on around 6:30pm.
I was looking through facebook on my phone at around 8pm.
I noticed one of our close friend's mom post something about her daughter's Fiance.
Something serious....Something about being unconscious....
I told my husband to get on the computer fast and look to see what it was.

Unsure as to what was going on I asked him if he though I should call someone.
He said yes and I called one of the sisters.
It was real.
He had collapsed and was unconscious....his heart wasn't beating.

We began stalking our friend's facebook pages to see if there was any more information posted.
Things were coming in as bits and pieces.
His heart had stopped and he had collapsed.
They had gone for a run around the track together.
He didn't enjoy running and would teasingly flop down on the track in protest....
She did another lap after he did this and when she came back around knew something was wrong.


She check his pulse....none.
Yelled for someone to call 911 and she began to give him CPR.
Once the ambulance arrived she ran the 3 blocks back to where his sisters were to tell them what happened.


More bits and pieces....gaps in information but they went to the hospital.
His parent's weren't with them yet as they had been at a wedding.

His parent's joined them at the hospital.


Then we got the news.....
He is gone.
The were unable to revive him.
Twenty-two years old.
....my age.....
gone.

Instead of a wedding....a funeral.....
Instead of Joy....sorrow.....

A storm.
A massive life changing storm that you can't just easily pick up the pieces from.
Everyone here in town is still cleaning up from the storm that hit the city on Saturday....
She will be picking up pieces for so much longer.

The only calm and reprieve right now in this storm....
The knowledge that God is holding all of the broken pieces, hearts, lives, everything in His hands.
Please be praying for our friends for comfort and strength.
The start of the services are exactly one month before what their wedding day was suppose to be.

With Hope by Steven Curtis Chapman.
http://youtu.be/JmyUgsmCzB4



................Storms.............